Sunday swimmers at sundown.

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The New Job

Okay, okay. I know I change jobs like most people change underwear. It's like I have this permanent nagging voice in the back of my head telling me to move on once I have reached a certain level of success. I started to count all the jobs I have had since I graduated from Texas A&M (greatest college on earth), and I am officially embarrassed. I will say, however, that I have never, ever been fired from a job. I always leave on my own terms and of my own choosing.

So you can all join in my humiliation, here is the running tally:
1. Texaco: big city, boring job
2. Williams: same big city, lots of traveling, like watching paint dry on a daily basis.
3. Dell: white collar sweatshop meets Melrose Place. At least I snagged a hubby!
4. The Gap: Yes, that's right. I took a job that paid $7/hour just to pay for mother's day out in Little Rock.
5. TAP Pharm: 1st pharma job, fantastic partners and manager, tnen I moved home and the opposite happened. BAD manager, 1 bad co-worker, and 1 good new friend. Yes Andrea, you are the friend, not bad co-worker.
6. Boehringer-Ingelheim Pharm: 6 months. Again, 1 really bad co-worker, and 1 very good friend.
7. PLATO: Best paying job I ever had. Most stressful and worst boss I have ever had. Add a new baby in the mix, and post Costa-Rica sales trip win, and I was outta there. Oh yeah - 1 more great co-worker.
8. InVentiv: Contract Pharma. Awesome job, awesome manager, awesome co-workers, and I did awesome too! Contracted was terminated and I hit the unemployment line.
9. Substitute teaching: Does this count as an actual job or babysitting? High school freshman are awful. But I do admit, there are some pretty great teachers still teaching at WHS.
10. Rio Grande Regional Hospital: 8-5 office hell, won't elaborate.
11. Innovex: Contract Pharma. Praying this gig lasts. I will admit schlepping around the Valley in the 100+ degree heat sucks the big one, but at least I get paid for it!

My only hope is that those who have worked with me know that I give my jobs (notice plural) 100%. I can never not work, as I have bad, expensive habits that don't allow for it. When my kids go to college and don't have to take out student loans, maybe they'll thank me one day. When Carter is speaking in full, complete sentences, hopefully one day he'll know that his therapy and schooling may have cost quite a bit, but was worth every sweaty penny I ever earned.

Do Things Every Slow Down?

I have come to realize that things never slow down when you have kids. Especially when you have two kids and a job. I am two weeks into summer vacation, and I am already exhausted. I did get a great birthday dinner with friends at South Padre Island and throw a super fun shower for a new, but great friend. See above pics for the highlights of my birthday fun!

I found out today that my son's favorite teacher at his daycare is leaving as of today. Her name is Edith. She is a very big-busted woman with very unreal blonde hair that my son adores. Most of you know he doesn't speak many words, but "Edith" is one he knows very well. I am sad for him, and I hope the new teacher bonds with my little man as well as Edith.

My new job has been a whirlwind of activity. A week away at training, thrown into the field with a non-working computer, no business cards, but a very welcome reception from some doctor's I had missed seeing over the last 4 months. That, I guess, makes it all worth it. That, and excellent, preferred coverage on Texas Medicaid. Got to love the Valley!

Alex has been away visiting her cousins in Hot Springs, Arkansas. Actually, my sister in law's home resembles a scaled down version of the Neverland Ranch sans Bubbles the chimp. Playground, huge swimming pool, trampoline, and a never ending supply of toys. It's really no wonder she doesn't call us, we have to call her. And when she does talk to us, it's basically a one-sided question barage from me or Chris. I wouldn't want to leave Amy's house either! Can I come and visit and layout by the pool all day, take free tennis lessons, have home-cooked meals, and sleep on Granny's deck overlooking the lake? Please? I won't back-talk, will say please and thank you, and I do very well at cleaning up after myself...

Well, we have no pool, we have a small house, our kids will most likely attend public school, and Chris and I both work more than we'd like. But, somehow, I know when my daughter is grown, she will know that her "home" was a good place to grow up, even in the crappy Rio Grande Valley.

Me and Sweet Kim

Empire St Bldg

I haven't been inspired....

Just when you think things will finally settle down, something happens. Immediately after visiting my sister, I get offered a second job which definitely fits my family's lifestyle so much better. No sitting behind a desk from 8 to 5, rushing to pick up Carter, and getting home after 6. Then off to softball or art, praying that I will have enough stamina to get my 7:30 run in.

But, with every positive must come the negatives. Starting on May 11th, I was on virtual lockdown. Studying materials, conference calls, taking exams, frantically reading all my clinical material, all the while trying not to melt down by the end of the day. Did I mention Chris also has been gone most of the last month for training of his own!? So, mother in law (thank God she is here) and I plod along and do the best we can.

Then, this past Sunday I board a plane to New Jersey for a week of onsite training that I swear to God almost killed me. I am not a "rah-rah, go team!" kind of person. I do not enjoy being around people who ask to many questions, ask dumb questions, or basically think they are some kind of sales superstar in the world of cough and cold. Obviously, I am somewhat cynical, very sarcastic, and a kind of tell it like it is kind of person.

I knew more about my weeklong roommate in the first 10 minutes of meeting her than I ever cared to know at all. My new supervisor, or Rain Manager(same height, same hair, everything!), as I like to call him since he looks exactly like Dustin Hoffman, is one of those micro-manage every little detail kind of people who I already know will drive me crazy. Did I mention he has ruined my 33rd birthday which is next Wednesday by flying down to spend the day with me in the field???

Okay, but in all fairness, I took the job. I rolled the dice. I got to see NYC for the first time ever, even if it was for 4 whole hours. I did manage to get know one cool person on my team, whom I know will become my best bud when it comes to making fun of the ol' bossman. And the best part is.....Monday is a holiday! Some great friends are coming out to meet me for dinner Friday night, and I am hosting a shower with a very dear friend for a very dear friend on Saturday. Life is alright.

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Swine Flu Break 2009

I truly despise morons. Really, I do. Morons usually look and act like regular people until something like the "swine flu panic" sets in. In the town that I live in, our schools have been closed now since last Thursday, April 30th. One case, at the high school, and all schools plus the private schools in town completely shut down. We are still shut down. We will be shut down until next Friday, May 15th.

I don't think people are morons when they err on the side of caution, but even the government (a bunch of liberal morons) are telling people not to shut down the schools. Hello? Anyone out there with a brain??? Okay, so here is what I am doing with my 1st grader while she is home from school. No, I am not keeping her home under lock and key. We are getting out, running errands, and moving forward.

Monday: dry cleaners, post office, fedex, drug test, and took little one to daycare.
Tuesday: Dr. appt for little one which lasts all freakin' morning, pizza for me and alex, target, embroidery place, mall, pick carter up from daycare, and chick-fil-a for a lemonade.
Wednesday: starbucks with friends, workout with trainer, pick up license plates, alex having friend come over for rest of the day, pool, chuck-e-cheese and possible movie.
Thursday: beach
Friday: San Antonio
Next week: WHO KNOWS!! But what I do know is my daughter should be back in school and this ridiculous panic needs to be over. Besides, everyone knows getting the flu is the easiest and quickest way to lose 5 lbs. Sign me up.

PS: The pics are from the doctor's office. Where we waited for over 2 hours to see him, and he spent 5 minutes with us and ordered a bunch of tests we have already taken. Still no answers as to why Carter does not want to talk. I hope my lovely dr. have hideous traffic on his way home, so he knows what it feels like to sit and rot and not be able to do anything about someone else's inconsideration.

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20 Random Thoughts on a Monday

Almost everyone I know did this on facebook, but I have wanted to amend mine for some time now, so here goes....
1. Just when things get hopelessly bad and I am about to give up, things get better. After no luck finding a job for 3 months, I was offered two this month.
2. My idea of a vacation is a quiet hotel, large pool, and no kids.
3. My husband should offer a class to all those dad's who refer to spending time with their children as "babysitting." Nothing irritates me more when I hear my friends make that comment.
4. I don't ask permission to do what I want. I am a grown woman, and I usually make decisions that are reasonably intelligent now.
5. I have ever only stayed at a job long enough to acheive my goals. When goals have been achieved, boredom sets in, and it is time to move on.
6. I recently realized what my career should be and how little I will get paid for it. But, it is an honest to goodness career and is a stable, long term career. Now, I need an open position!
7. I might be nice to your face, but if you are a backstabbing, social climbing, phony person, I know you are and I am just being polite.
8. I love Tom Petty. His music makes a bad day so much better. He was the best part of the Superbowl two years ago. The only part I watched.
9. I like watching The Smurfs and The Flintstones with my kids. It reminds me of being little and spending time with my grandma.
10. I am grateful to have such wonderful, supportive friends. Especially the ones who know how crazy I used to be, and still want to hang out with me now!
11. I hate following stupid rules. Things like...no shorts in high school, no sandals at work, no personal email access at work...
12. I like to run. I like to run more when I am running with Tracy or Kelly, but I can do it alone, as long as my IPOD is charged.
13. I like the fact that I can have a conversation with other women without centering it around my kids. My kids are a cherished part of my life, but not my life in its entirety.
14. I wish I had a better relationship with my mom. I've always wished we could run Saturday errands together, talk about life in general, or just be able to hang out.
15. When my son reaches a developmental milestone, I literally cry with joy.
16. I love the fact that my daughter is naturally athletic like me. I am waiting for her killer instinct and hatred of losing at games to awaken.
17. I will never be happy with the way I look. I try, I really try. I am my own worst critic.
18. I am a terrible saver. If I had saved 20% of my salary over the last 11 years, I would be in a much better position financially!
19. If I were on death row, my last meal would be chicken fried steak with cream gravy, french fries, and chocolate cake.
20. If I could add 4 extra hours to every day, I would spend 2 with my family, 1 catching up with my friends, and 1 by myself.

Mommy vs. Mommy

Everyone needs their mother. When we are little girls, we look up to our mom's and think that our mom is the most beautiful person in the whole world. We become teenagers, and secretly deep down we still feel the same way, but we tell them too often that we hate them or that they are stupid or out of touch. The last one is usually true... Then we become young women trying to make it in the world, and we use our mom as an example of the type of worker and wife we should be as we pave our own way. Then, we become mother's to our own daughters and things start to get tricky.

My mom is a busy body, but she means in it a good way. She likes to extole her opinions about her grandchildren's discipline (usually there should be none), marital fights that are best left alone, and generally, still feels that since she is my mom she has the right to "mother me."

I chose to move back to my hometown in 2004. I actually lived with my parents for 5 months as Chris and I were waiting for our house to sell in Little Rock. Her roof, her rules. Fair enough, but March 2005 we moved to our own house, and a safe distance (less than 3 miles) away. My mom "grandkids-sit" multiple days per week which allows for a "harmless" comment on whatever she thinks of that day. Those harmless comments eat away at my very soul, just like they did when I was 9 years old desperate to please her.

My point is...it is so hard to be a mother. It is even more difficult to be a mother and a daughter. The hardest part is being a mother, daughter and maintain that delicate balance with your own mother as you try your best to do all the things you learned from her.

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My Dirty Little Secret

I haven't posted in a while because things have just been crazy. I now work in an office. Confined to my office from 8 - 5, except for the lunch hour which I have to cram all possible errands in and eat lunch before I head back to my desk. The dress code is archaic meaning the women still wear pantyhose with skirts and no open toe shoes allowed. Did I mention the average temperature here in the summer is close to 99 degrees?

I haven't had a desk job in over 8 years. I am having a REALLY hard time adjusting to the shackles of my new career. I am starting to HATE it, and it's only my 4th day. Don't get me wrong, my boss is great and the other women in the office are really accomodating. I am just used to having freedom to run my errands, get my hair done, go to Alex's school for things, and get a workout in all before 6:00 p.m.

But that's not the secret. The secret is I hate my car. It's not even a car. It's a minivan. I hate everything that it stands for, and I hate the fact that I allowed my husband to buy it for me. I hate the color..blue. The color the little old ladies buy when they turn like a 180 years old. It is a nice van, all things considered. It has leather seats (positive), dual A/C to keep everyone cool, lots of storage, and a pretty pimped out stereo system. All of these benefits do not outweigh the fact that it is a van.

I love my kids, yet they do not define me as a person. I still love to do things on my own or with friends that don't include children. I relish the rare invite for a party or wedding where kids are not invited. The hour that I run most days a week is my most precious hour of the day. It's just me, my shoes, the track, and a good friend or two to chat with about things, especially things not related to children. You see, the van represents the term "soccer mom." All those wonderful women, who unlike myself, devote their days and nights to all things child related. I will never be that woman, and while I commend their sacrifice, would rather be caught stark naked at the supermarket than have people think of me as a "soccer mom."

I am currently not speaking to my husband for two reasons. A. I am childish and pouting that he won't let me drive his new Ford Edge, the car I wanted so badly before the stupid van. B. He got a new job far better than mine, and I am so jealous of the actual job and salary that my blue eyes have turned green.

Enjoy your day folks. Pray for me that I will no longer focus on such childish and petty things. Pray for healing for my sister. Pray for all women who struggle to meet their daily demands, both working and stay at home mothers.

My Boys

The anti-holiday mom

Okay, I admit it. I really don't like holidays all that much now that I have kids. Actually, that is only partially true. I love the actual holiday, but the set up and planning involved is exhausting. I write this one day before Easter. You know, second only to Christmas in rank of importance among children. The Easter bunny, hunting for eggs filled with candy and money, and the dressing up in something a little nicer than usual for church.

Well, their Easter baskets sit unfinished on the floor of my room. A pink one for Alex and a blue one for Carter. I went to HEB to fill said baskets, and $81.00 dollars later, I left with four grocery bags full of goodies for my kiddos. Goodies that I will throw out after four days since I will be the one rummaging through all the "grass" to find that one last Hershey kiss or Reese's Peanut Butter Egg that might have escaped my daughter's attention. It's like that old saying my dad used to harp on all the time when I was a kid, "Why don't you just roll down the window of your car while you are driving and just throw dollar bills out the window." That actually has nothing to do with my loathing of the holiday set-up, but I think it is appropriate when you consider what we as mother's spend on candy, decorations, and basic junk that ends up in the trash each year for every holiday to make sure our children have as good of a time as we did when we were young.

On a very unrelated note, I am finally finished with substitute teaching. It was fun (not really) while it lasted, but now I am on to my full-time gig as a recruiter. I will miss seeing my friend Kelly for lunch everyday, but I will not miss hiding the Germ-X from my students for fear they will start drinking it in an effort to escape the reality of my class!

The Waiting Game

The WAITING game. We all do it. It affects us practically everyday, and no matter how hard we try, it never gets any easier. I have been in a perpetual WAITING game for about 3 months now. I have been looking for a job, found a job, and then new ones keeps popping up on my radar doubting my decision to take the first job. I took my alternative certification content exam for teaching marketing this past Saturday, and must WAIT at least 2-3 weeks for results. Oh - but the best part is I am still WAITING to see if a job teaching marketing will actually materialize. You see, this is the job that I want, but I must WAIT and see.

Everday for the last two weeks I have been WAITING for text messages regarding Alex's softball practices and games. If I don't get one: relief. If I do, it's time to call in the reserve troops (my mom and dad) and WAIT for their response about who can help out with which kid.

My sister is dealing with chemotherapy, its side effects, and the pain from her cancer. She has been WAITING for some good news, and today she takes a test to see if her chemotherapy is working. Of course, you must WAIT for the results, so she won't know until tomorrow. My WAITING games seem small compared to hers, but never the less, still seem large to me.

My mom and I have been arguing about petty stuff for about a week and a half now. Each of us is WAITING for the other to apologize, and neither one has. It is hard to be around my mom lately due to my sister's health coupled with my own personal drama, but I guess we will continue to wait for the other person to cave. My dad remarked last night that it will probably take one of us to have some horrible disease like my sister's to get over our petty bulls**t and get along. He has a point, so why do she and I continue to WAIT?

So friends, the WAITING game continues. What will today's answers to yesterday's problems be? What, if any, resolution will come for the problems that keep compounding and bearing down on me? I don't know, but I guess I will have to WAIT and see.

Riley Dog

Most of you who have known me for a while are aware of my extreme attachment to one very large, very hairy, male bassett hound. His name is Riley, or to be perfectly honest, Sir Walter Riley Bear.

Riley has allowed me to own him since February 1999. As soon as he was large enough to jump into my bed, he quickly made the right hand side (pillows included) his very own. In 2000, I met my future husband Chris. Riley did not like this....at all. He would growl at Chris and wedge himself between Chris and I in the bed in the middle of the night just to make a point very clear....HE was my number 1 fan.

So, after a move to Arkansas, a new baby arrived. Alex. Alex, at 4 months old, was very fond of Riley. He was NOT fond of her. In fact, people kept telling me to get rid of him, and I almost punched each of those said people right in the face. Riley was my dog, and I would find away to resolve this situation.

Turns out, a dog named Chuy was adopted from the Little Rock animal shelter by the Papacek family. We brought little Chuy home and he and Riley became instant playmates. I was actually a little jealous. After Chuy's arrival, Riley ignored Alex as she continued to pester him and pull on his long dog ears.

Well, after moving back to Texas (thank the Lord!), baby number 2 arrived. Carter, my son, has no interest in either dog. He doesn't like being licked, and I think Riley's extremely large tail does not feel all that good when whacked upon one's face. And in my infinite wisdom and a pure moment of weakness, I adopted dog number 3, Ruby Red. She is perhaps the cutest bassett hound (sorry Riles) with her extra, extra long ears and desire to be petted constantly. Actually, the petting part is really annoying.

Riley celebrated his 10th birthday on January 7th of this year. He has very bad cataracts, has hip pain, and basically acts as if he is falling apart. I say acts because if I slip up and leave my bedroom door open, the dog who looks at his old bed longingly, somehow manages to hoist his 67 lb. self up onto my new couch, curls up around my new throw pillows and sheds about 10 pounds of pure hair.

I love that darn dog. I love him because after all these years, he loves me right back. He doesn't care if I come home in a bad mood, or I forgot to feed them before I left for work. His love is truly unconditional and comforting. When I am sad, I like to lay on the floor with my Riley dog. When I need a good laugh, I remember all the crazy dog things he has done. Pets make our lives better. My life is better because Riley has been a part of it.

Bad things happen in 3's, Good things happen in 3's

Both Chris and I received some very good news this week. I don't want to elaborate in detail until everything is finalized and official. If I had my choice about good news #3, it would be that my sister's chemotherapy is working. Wouldn't that be nice if we could choose the things that happen to us, good and bad?

Bad: Lost my job, husband's job moved to Corpus, my sister's cancer returned.

I would have picked things like....I caught a cold, pulled a muscle, ran out of gas. You know, little things that, while annoying, can be solved with some ice, vitamin C, and a friend helping you out. I also believe that good things should happen to good people, and bad things should happen to bad. I don't know about you all, but this sounds very fair to me. All criminals would be caught, children would never get abused, students would come to school wanting to learn, every person who wanted a job would have one, etc., etc. Oh yeah - Alex's softball practice and games would be on the same day each stinkin' week!

Good Luck Pink Sox!! Hopefully, my little darling will get another hit and do well on defense. And unlike me, she likes it when she can hear us cheering for her in the stands!

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The Substitute

I have been attending alternative certification classes for teaching since the beginning of February. I started with a mixture of apprehensiveness and excitement. Then I started substitute teaching. All freshman. Do I really need to elaborate how much this has dampened my enthusiasm? Don't get me wrong, I have some good kids, but I also have several kids that come to class on drugs, kids that no matter how many 2nd chances I give continue to do next to nothing while they are here, and basically, my classes are beginning to exhaust all my remaining goodwill.

I also promised myself when I had my daughter that I would not become one of those mothers who enroll their kids in everything under the sun, and be forced to run them from activity to activity everyday of the week. Here is our schedule looks currently:

Monday - Softball 5:30-6:45
Tuesday - Softball Game 6:30-8
Wednesday Gymnastics 4:20-5:30 and Softball 5:30-6:45 Church Choir 6:30-7:00
Thursday - Art 5:30-6:30
Friday - Who knows, but I am guessing softball

Now, most of you are sitting there telling yourself that this is a problem very easily solved. Most of you don't know Alex. She loves art. She loves church choir. She really likes gymnastics. She apparantly now loves softball.
How do you make life more manageable for a 7 YEAR OLD without the ensuing tears and dissapointment at dropping an activity (or two?)

Suggestions? Anybody? Anyone?

My first blog

I have been very resistant to blogging. However, anyone who knows me, knows that I am 100%, completely and totally addicted to facebook. So, I thought, what the heck, why not blog? So here goes....

Today, my sweet son woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Well, actually he was turned upside down and laying on his face, but what's the difference? I got a call that his speech therapy was going very well. He said his first long sentence today. "I do not want to eat cereal." For Carter, that is amazing. It makes me so happy that he is beginning to articulate his thoughts. Bravo to Easter Seals and their amazing organization!

Yesterday, my daughter asked me why I was in such a good mood. I know she thinks that I am a total grouch in the morning, and that is okay, because I am. I always have been, and I doubt this will ever change. Why both of my children like to get up at the crack of dawn every single weekday and weekend is beyond me. Luckily, Chris takes over most early a.m. duties. Truthfully, I was in a good mood because I went to bed early the night before, after a fun evening with two good friends, went for a long run, and came home to find my children eating lunch. That's right....It had a lot to do with me time, which I constantly long for.

Finally, today I have a job interview. It is for a job that I am well-qualified for, and it doesn't pay as well as my last job since it is a support position. However, if I do well, the payoff down the road should be very lucrative. I had been hoping to teach marketing, but that job has not yet materialized, and I am beginning to wonder if I am holding on to false hope.

As some of you know, I have been unemployed since January. Through the kindness of a very good friend, I have been working at my old high school as a substitute teacher since the end of January. I work with all freshmen. About half of my students are great. I generally pray that the other half skip my class, and try to digest the thought that these kids will be sucking off the hardworking members of society for the rest of their lives.

I am glad my friends had a good time over the weekend at SPI! I was sad to not be able to come, but glad everyone made it home safe and sound. Next up...Tracy V's birthday! What to do....what to do???