Monday, December 13, 2010

Team Sunshine




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Run Baby Run

For as long as I can remember, I have run. I used to hate running, and viewed at as a punishment by my basketball coach who loved to make us run around the high school at 2:30 p.m. in the afternoon in the off season. My senior year, I stopped playing basketball and started running as a way to not blow up to 200 lbs. In college, I did manage to gain the freshman 15, and viewed my running as merely attempts to gain the attention of boys living in the corps dorms. When I moved off-campus, I ran around the College Station neighborhoods with my roommates Kimber, Dana, and Brandi from time to time, again trying to keep myself from gaining another 15 lbs since the first 15 decided they were gonna stick around.

When I moved back to the Valley about 6 years ago, I found a running buddy in someone I would never have imagined. Tracy and I weren't friends in high school, but our mutual desire to run quickly bonded us and we became really great friends. Tracy convinced me to run the Port Isabel Causeway run, which was 6 miles, further than I had ever run before. It wasn't pretty, but I finished it. I soon found myself interested in upping my mileage and running more races.

I've run 2 half-marathons, 2 10k's, 1 7500 meter run, and a handful of 5k's. All of these races help keep me in shape and destress myself after a long day at school. I just finished doing the McAllen Fiesta Marathon relay with some friends, and it was really fun. We drove all over McAllen picking up and dropping off our team, and I ran the anchor leg of 6 miles. It felt great to finish, and even better to have run with such a great group of women.

So, what's next? The Causeway Run in January of 2011 and the Austin Half-Marathon in February. Wish me luck!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Storytelling Winner!

Alex Papacek, WISD 3rd Grade Storytelling Winner!




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Endurance

Endurance. Webster's Dictionary defines endurance as "the fact or power of enduring or bearing pain, hardships, etc." Or you could choose definition #2, "the ability or strength to continue or last, esp. despite fatigue, stress, or other adverse conditions; stamina." I feel like this one word sums up my life in so many ways. I often ask myself why is that so many hardships and unfortunate events seem to befall on some people and never on others. Although it seems unfair for me to say adverse events never happen to others, perhaps they simply choose not to talk about them.

Wednesday would be my sister's 39th birthday. I miss her more and more everyday. Not only did I lose my sister, I lost my best friend. You can only call and complain to a friend so many times before you start to become a drag, after all who wants to hear about your problems day in and day out? Even when my sister was going through chemo, she would listen as I rehashed what would be the 50 millionth argument between our mom and myself. Who else could understand the anger and frustration I live with daily because my son has autism? So I endure. I endure the pain of losing her, losing my confidante, losing the one person who truly loves me for who I am, faults and all.

Endurance. I work with 80 17-18 year old kids everyday. Some of the laziest, most miserable excuses for children I have ever encountered, and each day I endure their complaints and inability to get their work done because I have to. Afterall, I need a paycheck in order to pay my bills and sometimes mama needs a new pair of shoes. Don't get me wrong. They are not all bad, some are really awesome. Too bad I can't clone the 15 or so students I really like...that would certainly make my job a lot more fun.

Endurance. My son has autism. I hate autism. There is no cure and no explanation to why kids have it or what therapy works best for each case. My son's therapy will cost over $1400.00 a month, and that's money I just don't have, even with decent insurance. Sure, we are lucky because we have help in the form of my parents, but that is such an unfair burden to place on them. The toll he takes on Chris and I is significant. Each weekend day is filled with stress due to the tantrums we both know are coming no matter how hard we try to please him. The weekly meetings, the surveys, the therapists, the school reports...It takes endurance to simply keep plugging away and filling out forms. It seems unending, and my rope is beginning to unravel.

Why is it that it takes so much damn endurance to get from one day to the next? When does it stop? When does life slow down enough to take a deep breathe and relax? I guess I am forced to maintain my endurance, because what options do I have? I love my children, I need my job, and my longing to have my sister back will never go away. I may not ever win the title of World's Greatest Mother or Teacher of the Year, but I have endurance, and that counts for something.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

1/7/99-11/3/10





Today my sweet angel from doggie heaven passed away. He was almost 12 years old. He was my roommate when I graduated from college and was kicked out of the bed once I met my future husband, which left him and me a little sad. He was the first thing my daughter laughed at when she was 4 months old. My son would follow in her footsteps not 5 years later. Sure, he shed like a crazy dog, ate poopie diapers, and refused to be potty trained until he was 7 months old (my son must be taking after his dog-brother), but I loved him more than words can express. He had the softest, silkiest long ears. He loved to lounge and have his ears scratched. He loved pillows, and would find the nicest one to lay until it had a nice yellow tinge to it that no laundry detergent could ever remove. In his old age, he would wake me at 3 or 4 am to go out and pee, and I didn't really mind that much. I mean, he offered unconditional love in return. Once he came to trust my husband, Riley would go to his side of the bed every morning and whimper that he needed to be let out. If that didn't prove how much he loved me, I don't know what could. So, in between my tears and multiple glasses of wine, I will remember that beautiful, fat, wonderful bassett hound that I got to be the mother of for almost 12 years. Rest in peace my sweet boy. May all the dogs that died before you greet you at the pearly gates and reserve a soft, cushiony leather couch with lots of pillows for you to lounge on for all of eternity.

Momma misses you.
V

Monday, November 1, 2010

Happy Halloween












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What I've learned from a busy weekend...

So, here is a little snippet of what I managed to learn over this past weekend:

1. You can run 10 miles even when you are coming down with a sinus infection.
2. It doesn't matter how fast you run, but that you finish. (and I was not last!)
3. A 5 hour energy shot and a peanut butter sandwich works wonders when you don't feel like giving your run your best effort.
4. A hyper competitive mom and a daughter who plays soccer does not always make for a good time.
5. You should not embarrass your husband by making rude comments to 8 year girls who just kicked your daughter in a blatantly inappropriately way.
6. If you can't back up your rude comments to that 8 year old girl's parents, it's best to keep your trap (aka mouth) shut at all times.
7. It's not very fun to hang out with friends who turn everything into a competition whether they live close by or not. Yes, you will always be able to run farther and faster than me, and I'm totally okay with it. I'll bring you cookies when you are laid up after you blow out your ACL.
8. Do not come to work sick. The students know you are easy prey when you don't have the strength to yell at them. Make the assignments as long and as boring as possible on those days.
9. Always make your health care provider your friend. That way you can go in without an appointment and not have to wait 2+ hours like the rest of the world.
10. Don't get sick on Halloween. No one likes a mom who is grouchy, sluggish, and congested. Stay home, turn the lights out, and go to bed.

That's it. Not a very good post, but I did get one in for November.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

McPumpkin Run

So, instead of getting all dressed up and eating and drinking for free all the while hobnobbing with the Weslaco "elite" (insert sarcasm here), my two best Valley friends and I ran a 7500 meter race. It was very challenging and my guts were not being cooperative, but I finished. I kept thinking of my sister and how she was always faster than me but I would never quit running and would run as fast as I could at the end of our runs to finish first. Funny how she is with me one way or another everyday.

Well, my gazelle-like friend Kelly darted off the start line and finished first in her age group and was the 2nd woman to finish overall. I was super proud of her. My friend Tracy, in true Tracy fashion. never left my slow-ass side and really pushed me along, and I was grateful she did, as she always makes it more fun. We finished off the night with some sushi and an early bedtime. I love my girls!
V


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Thursday, October 14, 2010

I'm Alive, and Well (kind of)

Okay, I am tired. I say that a lot. Practically everyday. There are some days that I wake up wondering if I had just went to bed an hour earlier. Was it like this before I was married? Did I feel like this in college or high school? The absolute overwhelming desire I have to crawl back in to bed 5 minutes after I leave it is absolutely overpowering.

So, what's new? Well, for the last two weeks my family and I have been meeting with specialists about Carter and how we can offer additional therapy for him at home. We met with a speech therapist, an occupational therapist, his two regular therapists, and the local school personnel to get on the same game plan. There is nothing worse than working all day and having another 2 hour meeting at night. Not that I don't want to help my son, but I am dying to have a week where I can come home and relax. I even skipped book club so that I could fit in my 5 mile run, which I need in order to de-stress from the day.

Did I mention Carter had his tonsils out last week, and this past weekend was a struggle to get him to eat, drink, sleep and take his meds. I had two club meetings at school this week, helped out with ASVAB testing, and now I am sitting here writing on my blog while my students take a quiz, which is essentially more work for me than them since I have to grade over 80 papers this weekend.

I also coordinated our family pictures two weekends ago, which meant picking out outfits for my whole family plus my mom and dad, fixing hair and make-up and then a week later picking out the photos with my friend, the photographer, who always manages to find at least one good shot of all of us.

AND...the piece de resistance....my daughter is working on her very first science fair project, which of course means that I have done 90% of the work and even enlisted the help of my students. That's right folks, I run my very own Kathy Lee sweatshop for the glory of extra points on a quiz. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. So, after a 3 day weekend to Aggieland, I will come home Sunday night just in time to spend multiple hours creating a tri-fold bulletin board for her and her partner to present to their class.

So, there is this song by Kenny Chesney called, "I'm Alive." I like it very much, and I listen to it everyday on my way to work to inspire me to get through the day. I am thankful that I have a job, a home, a husband and family, and some good friends. I think about the Chilean miners who had a pretty crappy 69 days underground, my sister who is no longer with us, and all of the other people experiencing extreme hardship. My life isn't bad, it's just busy. Too busy. Maybe I'll just wake up one day, pack a bag, throw my cell phone out the window, and drive. After all, I'm alive.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

I Miss Her

Yesterday was the 9 year anniversary of the bridge collapse on the Port Isabel Causeway in South Padre Island. A friend of mine from high school's older sister perished that night as her car plunged over 80 feet into the bay and she drowned. I cannot imagine how hard yesterday was for my friend and her sweet parents whom I have known since middle school. I am not religous, but I thought about her all day long.

Which brings me back to my post for today. On Monday, it will be one year to the day my sister passed away. I remember when I got a phone call from someone who worked for my mom that I needed to come right away and that things had made a turn for the worse in regards to my sister's cancer. I had a mini-breakdown in the home-ec classroom before I pulled myself together and made the trip home. When I got there, my parents were beset with grief. My mom, unable to compose herself long enough to figure out travel arrangements, was weeping at the computer. I got online, found a flight and called American Airline. In a matter of 30 minutes, we were packed and driving furiously down the highway to get to the airport to make the flight, our only option for getting to Washington DC that day. We made it, but barely.

From the flight attendant attempting to get my mom off of her cell phone, to Chili's in the Houston airport giving me a wrong order, to practically running to Scott's car to make it to the hospital to see her that night, the events of that day are as clear to me now as they were then, as I sit here writing this post.

We spent a lot of time at the hospital the next day, and Friday I spent the afternoont getting her condo ready for her to return to under hospice care. She came via ambulance that evening, and her parade of friends came and stayed that evening and most of the following day. The scene still disturbs me because she couldn't speak clearly and hardly stayed awake, and I remember feeling as if I wanted her there alone with just us, her family, as her time left on earth was getting shorter and shorter and those people just wouldn't leave.

On Sunday, I went to Target. I know I had a good reason, but I can't remember what it was, but I do remember looking through the clothes knowing I would need a dark colored dress for some type of funeral service. I came home only to be told that her breathing was getting shallow and she had not woken up since the last evening. She passed away within 2 hours of my arrival back to the condo and I sat there holding her hand. I remember how her hands were so dry and rough, with her cuticals red and angry as she could never leave them alone.

I sat on her right hand side giving my parents closest access to her face. In my head, I told her it was okay to go, to be free of her pain, and that we would love her always. My mother grabbed her and shook her after her last breath, begging her to wake up, but it was not to be. She was gone. Her body remained, but her soul, her self was no longer there.

We packed her stuff and made the "arrangements" the following couple of days. Life would never be the same. My sweet sister, the "good one", my best ally and closest friend, succumbed to breast cancer a mere year and a half after her diagnosis. So, in closing, if anyone is reading this....call your siblings this Monday in honor of my sister. Tell them how much you love them and value them. If you live close enough, stop by and hug them tightly, as we never know how long our own time on earth will be and of those people closest to you. Love, V

Saturday, September 11, 2010

Back to school

It's been 3 weeks since the dreaded first day back at school, and things seem to be shaping up nicely. Here's a top ten list of things that have happened so far:
1. Alex has caused quite a dramatic stir about her math homework several times already.
2. My mom took a 6 day trip to DC leaving us to fend for ourselves in the morning with two kiddos, and boy was that fun! (insert sarcasm here)
3. I was lucky enough to have "duty" the first week of school stationed right by the principal.
4. Both kids got sick.
5. Carter was up and in our room every morning before 5 am the first week of school.
6. Kids had Labor day off; mom did not.
7. Mom had the day after Labor day off due to tropical storm Hermine. (how did you pronounce that anyway?)
8. The principal approved my request to kick 3 kids out of my class due to horrendous behavior (yea me!)
9. The attendance/grading software was not working the first 13 days if school, so all grades and attendance for 3 weeks had to be logged in in one day!
10. I finally got picked by a football player to wear his jersey on Friday during classes, and yes, it made me feel hugely popular! (I guess we never lose the desire to be popular in high school..)
Now, back to college football.
V



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Location:Vida Santa,Weslaco,United States

Saturday, August 7, 2010

Bored

I've been home alone for almost a week. No husband or kids. Just little ol' me laying in bed recuperating with not a thing to do but read books, play with my iPad, text, sleep and watch loads of tv. I admit the first few days were quite nice, but I'm lonely now and I want my family back!

However, it has been really nice to spend lots of time with my mom and dad who have taken good care of me. They have carted me around town, fed me and spent a lot of time hanging out. My mom even cleaned my windows and stove. My dad cleaned off my back porch to give sweet Riley a cleaner place to sleep, and took me back to school shopping at the ripe old age of 34!

The only thing missing to make our "parental" time together was my sister, whom I miss terribly and made every family get together just better. Please let there really be a heaven and please let her be happy there.


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Location:My bed

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

My security monster

Most kids have a favorite blanket or stuffed animal they carry with them at all times and all places. My son has always been a little bit different. He has a security monster. Granny bought it for him when she came to visit last month, and when it disappeared, Mimi came to the rescue and bought the last one at Wal-Mart. So, Carter is off visiting the Arkansas clan with his best friend grasped firmly in his cute little paw. Love you C man!



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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Safe travels Pap!

Not many dads would brave a 14 hour car trip with an 8 and 4 year old to visit his mom and extended family at the annual Morris family reunion, but off he went. Alex told him that she wanted to go the whole way in 1 day. Her exacts words were, "dad, it can be either be 2 bad days or 1 horrible one. Let's just go for it!". I guess we'll have to wait and see! Safe travels my sweet family and hopefully i will have pics to post soon! V

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

When more friends come and visit

Yes, I am still at SPI. And yes, I am utterly exhausted. My other old roommate from college, Allison, came down to visit with her two kids, Brady and Anna. So far we have been to the beach, the pool, the movies, the lighthouse and the turtle sanctuary. Tomorrow we are headed out on a pirate cruise for 3 hours of fun. It makes me laugh to imagine how Allison and I would have spent 4 days on padre without 3 kids 14 years ago. Actually, I can sum it up in 3 words: beer, beach and boys!



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Sunday, July 25, 2010

Happy birthday little man!

Carter is officially 4 today. So far his favorite activities at the beach are eating cheetos and drinking Capri Suns, smashing alex's sand castles, and wallowing in a mud hole his daddy made just for him. Love you big C! You've come a long way and have a long way to go, but I love you more than words can say - love, mom


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Location:SPI

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Last zoo pic

Here's Sawyer Kessels, 17 months.



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More zoo pics

Hayden Kessels and Alex






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Rainy day at the beach, sweaty day at the zoo!

So it was very cloudy and drizzly at the beach, and we needed a plan B. My friend Brandi and her two kiddos are visiting from Dallas, and Hayden, her oldest at 3, announced she was "done with the sand." We decided on either the children's museum in Brownsville or the zoo. Alex and Hayden decided on the zoo.
After eating a Mexican food buffet for lunch, it was off to see the animals. It was very humid and muggy, but the kids had fun. Moms not as much, but a Sonic run afterwards was a great way to cool off. Some pics are below..V


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Monday, July 19, 2010

Carter's 4th Birthday

So my sweet angel man is almost 4. We decided to have an early family party since his Granny was down to see him, and my best friend and her family were going to Canada for 2 weeks. In true Vicki form, I was so busy making sure everyone was having a good time, that I did not take a single picture! Lucky for me my mom snapped one right after they crossed the bridge to Port Isabel. I guess he's not quite ready to party with the big kids!


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Saturday, July 10, 2010

Tuckered out




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Location:SPI

Carter

My son is a boy who knows exactly what he wants when he wants it. His favorite activities include eating apples and bananas, rubbing my dad's or his dad's earlobes till they are practically raw, and sucking his thumb. Peppered in between said activities are playing with Alex's zhu zhu pets and jumping in the pool with no life jacket or floaties. Secretly, he loves to nap, but it is no longer cool to admit it to mom and dad, unless of course he is sleeping in my dad's "cave" of a room with all the windows closed, overhead fan blowing and small fan on the side table blowing full blast. ( I like taking naps in that room too!) The picture above is was taken 4th of July weekend at SP! after a long day of swimming in the pool and playing at the beach.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Angry

I am not the type of person anyone would describe as being "sunny" or "bubbly." I've always wanted to be, but I tend to be kind of a grump a lot of the time. I have tried for years to figure out the source of my unhappiness, often resigning myself to just being born this way, but my mother swears that I was the happiest, most fun little kid. So, guessing that she is no liar, I was, once upon a time, a happy go lucky kind of person, at least for a little while!

This post is about anger. I find myself angry about a lot of things, and I want to figure out how to stop being so angry and maybe attempting to put a little bit of light-heartedness back into my personality mix. But first, I need to be honest about what I am so darn angry about....Here goes:

1. I am angry that my sister died from cancer.
2. I am angry that I was powerless to help her.
3. I am angry that I did not have good enough self esteem in my teens and early 20's and allowed a lot of people to treat me badly.
4. I am angry that I did not do better in school and create a more meaningful and lucrative career for myself.
5. I am angry that some people still behave in horribly selfish and childish ways even though they are adults.
6. I am angry that my son has autism. (this should be #2)
7. I am angry that my daughter is so sensitive and allows people to hurt her feelings so easily. (this will make junior high and high school very difficult.)
8. I am angry that there never seems to be enough money for vacations, a bigger house, a nicer car, sometimes even the bills. (this is often self-inflicted.)
9. I am angry that someone is currently trying to hurt one of my very good friends.
10. I am angry that there are people who never seem to hurt, have problems, run out of money, and always have the nicest of everything and still feel the need to be ugly on the inside.

Okay, so now that I have put down my top 10 on this blog, I just stopped to re-read them and realized that other than #1 and #6, all of these things that make my life so hard and difficult are all things I can change. It is up to me to find the strength to turn things around for myself, and if all else fails, I will run. (Not run away....really run, like at the track and sweat it out!)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Alex gets braces!





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Sunday, June 20, 2010

Visit to Houston

So I spent two days visiting my sweet friend Ashley and her new baby, Charlie. Funny that we still had time to eat at Lupe Tortilla, Collina's, and of course, Anthropologie. Probably the best part was relaxing at the Houston Raquet Club by the pool and catching up. While it was a very short trip, I am glad I got to help out for a couple of days and I look forward to going back soon. Ashley's 3 babies are highlighted below...Mason (the oldest and most furry), sweet Hannah (age 2) and Charlie (6 weeks and nicknamed Chunk due to those fabulous cheeks).





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Monday, June 14, 2010

Look who's wearing a flotation device!

Kids with autism do things on their own terms on their own time. After 3 years, Carter is finally using a floatie. This new development makes swimming with both kids so much easier!




Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Look mom! I'm in laundry basket jail!




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Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Autism Sucks

How soon we realize after one of our children receives a devastating medical diagnosis that the dreams we had for that child are only our dreams, and not necessarily what will become of his or her life. Throughout my pregnancy, I would hear commercials on the radio, read billboards or see entire television shows that discussed the rising rates of autism in the US. At 18 weeks pregnant, it was confirmed a boy was on the way, and I couldn't shake all that I had heard or seen and I worried constantly about my unborn child. I have a friend who worked with special education students who would remind me that I was healthy, that the odds were in my favor, etc.,but I often worried that something would turn out wrong with my baby boy.

Well, Carter made his debut on July 25th, 2006. He was a beautiful but fussy baby from the very beginning. I used to poo-poo people who talked about the mother-son bond, but as soon as I held that boy in my arms, I wanted to consume him, have be all mine, and not share him with the world. He was just so perfect, and I was in love. A love that I had never felt before, a love that was part rapture and part possessiveness of this small, perfect, beautiful boy.

Carter started losing language at around 20 months. He used to point to a family picture and just rattle off our names..Mama, Dada, Alice (he couldn't say Alex). Suddenly, when I showed him the picture, he wouldn't respond. The books he would have me read over and over again were of no interest to him anymore, and he would find enjoyment staring at a leaf or other non-appropriate toy. My family and friends all told me I worried about nothing, that he was fine. Boys talk later, they would say, or that their son didn't speak until age 5. But I was his mother, and I knew they were wrong. I knew my worst fear was unfolding before my very eyes, and the doubts of those around me only frustrated me more.

An actual diagnosis didn't come until he was age 3 years and 3 months. He speaks very little, still fixates on non-toys, and has terrible temper tantrums. He has typical GI symptoms and disrupted sleep patterns that awaken the entire house at an ungodly hour several times per week. He is in therapy and a special education classroom that has helped somewhat, but he has a long, difficult road to follow.

Is it wrong to say that I do not embrace this disease, that I cannot come to terms with what has happened to my beautiful boy, to be so angry at everyone who has "normal" children? Errands must be run very quickly when Carter is around, babysitters must be chosen very carefully, and a weekend away is a huge burden to ask of my parents, who help him as much, if not more so, than Chris and I. I hate autism. I hate it.

I know he could be a lot worse off. I know he is considered "high functioning" and I should be grateful for that. I'm not grateful though. I dread the last school bell of the day, because I know in one short hour I will have to endure the screaming nightmare of what used to be known as dinner. That going home means flying down the freeway to make sure my dad doesn't have to be with him alone for too long. What kind of mother dreads the end of the work day? What kind of mother am I who at one point couldn't bear to let anyone else even hold him, now can't wait to get away for a couple of days of peace and quiet?

Chris tells me not to give up on him and that we need to do is to keep hoping that he will continue to show progress, but he fails to see why I am struggling to accept what is happening. That I love my son more than anything on this planet, but I miss our lives before this happened to us. The weekends away, the fun trips to the beach with Alex, eating out instead of take out, a normal family dinner, dropping my kid off at the first day of preschool, hearing the words, I love you Mom, play dates, etc. Instead, I am changing size 7 diapers on a boy who might never be able to live alone, and sometimes all the love I have to give doesn't seem to be enough to make life okay.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

And what are my student's doing while i am finally updating my blog?

Yes, that's right. I am updating my blog. It's been almost a year since I last put brain to keyboard and typed out something witty and clever to say. But, none the less, here i go. I have spent the last 9 months teaching, that's right, teaching! I am now a Marketing teacher at San Benito High School, and I have been fortunate to teach a great group of 12th graders , minus one or two I can't wait to never see again. We have only 12 days of school left as of today. Actually 12 days and 2 hours, but whose counting?

Personally, 2009 is a year I'd rather forget. First my dear, sweet, brave sister passed away from breast cancer on September 17th, 2010. It was so very hard to watch my once vibrant and active sister fight and finally succumb to this horrible disease. A few weeks later, a diagnosis I have known in my heart for a year prior, finally was put upon my beautiful son. He has autism. All along I had been praying it was a hearing loss, tonsils, ADHD, anything but what I knew to be true. I have had a long, hard road towards acceptance of this, and I won't lie and say that I deal with it gracefully everyday, but I do my best to carry one and hope that through early intervention, speech therapy and the grace of a higher being, he will get better. If it weren't for my parents and my husband, I would have driven myself and my loser cruier off the Port Isabel bridge a long time ago.

So, those are the reasons why I stopped blogging. Today, a sweet friend of mine started her own blog. She is almost married a year with a sweet baby boy on the way, and something about her youthful optimism got me back to the computer, and that is why my students are working on a research paper while I blog! (who am i kidding, i'm sure at least half of them are off task....)

I am also wrestling with a personal decision that is hard to make. Without going into detail, I want to do something for myself as kind of a fresh start, but monetarily it isn't the best time. But, then I think about my sister and wonder, if there ever will be a "right time" and that life is too short to always deny things for yourself that you truly want. So, decisions, decisions, decisions....