Angry

I am not the type of person anyone would describe as being "sunny" or "bubbly." I've always wanted to be, but I tend to be kind of a grump a lot of the time. I have tried for years to figure out the source of my unhappiness, often resigning myself to just being born this way, but my mother swears that I was the happiest, most fun little kid. So, guessing that she is no liar, I was, once upon a time, a happy go lucky kind of person, at least for a little while!

This post is about anger. I find myself angry about a lot of things, and I want to figure out how to stop being so angry and maybe attempting to put a little bit of light-heartedness back into my personality mix. But first, I need to be honest about what I am so darn angry about....Here goes:

1. I am angry that my sister died from cancer.
2. I am angry that I was powerless to help her.
3. I am angry that I did not have good enough self esteem in my teens and early 20's and allowed a lot of people to treat me badly.
4. I am angry that I did not do better in school and create a more meaningful and lucrative career for myself.
5. I am angry that some people still behave in horribly selfish and childish ways even though they are adults.
6. I am angry that my son has autism. (this should be #2)
7. I am angry that my daughter is so sensitive and allows people to hurt her feelings so easily. (this will make junior high and high school very difficult.)
8. I am angry that there never seems to be enough money for vacations, a bigger house, a nicer car, sometimes even the bills. (this is often self-inflicted.)
9. I am angry that someone is currently trying to hurt one of my very good friends.
10. I am angry that there are people who never seem to hurt, have problems, run out of money, and always have the nicest of everything and still feel the need to be ugly on the inside.

Okay, so now that I have put down my top 10 on this blog, I just stopped to re-read them and realized that other than #1 and #6, all of these things that make my life so hard and difficult are all things I can change. It is up to me to find the strength to turn things around for myself, and if all else fails, I will run. (Not run away....really run, like at the track and sweat it out!)