My Dirty Little Secret

I haven't posted in a while because things have just been crazy. I now work in an office. Confined to my office from 8 - 5, except for the lunch hour which I have to cram all possible errands in and eat lunch before I head back to my desk. The dress code is archaic meaning the women still wear pantyhose with skirts and no open toe shoes allowed. Did I mention the average temperature here in the summer is close to 99 degrees?

I haven't had a desk job in over 8 years. I am having a REALLY hard time adjusting to the shackles of my new career. I am starting to HATE it, and it's only my 4th day. Don't get me wrong, my boss is great and the other women in the office are really accomodating. I am just used to having freedom to run my errands, get my hair done, go to Alex's school for things, and get a workout in all before 6:00 p.m.

But that's not the secret. The secret is I hate my car. It's not even a car. It's a minivan. I hate everything that it stands for, and I hate the fact that I allowed my husband to buy it for me. I hate the color..blue. The color the little old ladies buy when they turn like a 180 years old. It is a nice van, all things considered. It has leather seats (positive), dual A/C to keep everyone cool, lots of storage, and a pretty pimped out stereo system. All of these benefits do not outweigh the fact that it is a van.

I love my kids, yet they do not define me as a person. I still love to do things on my own or with friends that don't include children. I relish the rare invite for a party or wedding where kids are not invited. The hour that I run most days a week is my most precious hour of the day. It's just me, my shoes, the track, and a good friend or two to chat with about things, especially things not related to children. You see, the van represents the term "soccer mom." All those wonderful women, who unlike myself, devote their days and nights to all things child related. I will never be that woman, and while I commend their sacrifice, would rather be caught stark naked at the supermarket than have people think of me as a "soccer mom."

I am currently not speaking to my husband for two reasons. A. I am childish and pouting that he won't let me drive his new Ford Edge, the car I wanted so badly before the stupid van. B. He got a new job far better than mine, and I am so jealous of the actual job and salary that my blue eyes have turned green.

Enjoy your day folks. Pray for me that I will no longer focus on such childish and petty things. Pray for healing for my sister. Pray for all women who struggle to meet their daily demands, both working and stay at home mothers.